so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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