I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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