just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
