mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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