whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
