the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
