Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
