im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize