I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I love you. Go after that dick
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
