kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
