took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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