1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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