Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
