btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
