is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
