You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
