I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize