were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
