Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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