Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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