could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
