your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
