she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
