no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
