Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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