i just google imaged poop.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
