I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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