so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
