Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
