break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
