my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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