He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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