a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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