I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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