420 ftw
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
