at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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