dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
