nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
