Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
