Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
