just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
