Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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