the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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