dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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