oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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