the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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