tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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