I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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