guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
