I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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