no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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