she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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