I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
