we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
