It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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