You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm like, not good at living.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
