that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
