Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
