I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
