My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
