you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
