Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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