I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
