careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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