he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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