There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize