You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
