she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need water and some morals
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