got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
